And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
