The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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