If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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