You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
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