Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
