I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
