So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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