I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
