my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
