Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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