I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
