Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
