best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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