No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
