I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
