why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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