dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
