from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
