the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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