Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
