Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
