he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
