You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
