Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
and you fell through a lawn chair
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
