No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
