i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
