woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
