Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
