I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
