Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
