i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Found your dick twin last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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