dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
from now on my penis is your penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
