I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
