At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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