I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
