We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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