What did we do last night that was yellow?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
