Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
