Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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