wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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