I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
