I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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