he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
im on a boat
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