on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
