Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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