you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
