I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wear drunk well.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
