I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
