now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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