Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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