i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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