he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
