I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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